I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
