he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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