how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
