U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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