Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
