I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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