This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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