You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
