i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
