If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
