Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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