Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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