i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She announced her abortion via fbk
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
