I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
