Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
