wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
