We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
