____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
