It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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