I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
