Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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