I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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