some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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