one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
