Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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