You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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