Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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