so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Randomize
