What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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