I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
