theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
