just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
