i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
