I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
