After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
