gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
