I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
