I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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