Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
whose ass print is on the piano?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
