i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
