All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm too high and old for this...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
