remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I looked at my own cervix.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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