When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Randomize
