I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
