Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
