I think I won the penis lottery.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
