dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize
