Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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