Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
