and you said cock pushups were impossible
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
