Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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