there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
